Sometimes, you find yourself in the Place of In-Betweens. That valley in the middle of where you’ve come and where you’re going next. That space of silence between discovering something and reacting to it. It is that moment of hesitance, that limbo of uncertainty. Of not knowing where you are going next. Or doing next. Or how you should be reacting, responding.
I found myself in a Place of In-Betweens a few years ago. We had just checked in at a hotel with my dozens of aunts, uncles, and cousins to give my sister a bridal shower as a send-off before her wedding day. It was a happy day for her and for the rest of my family, but deep down inside, I was a wreck. Its effect lasted a whole year and even now, there are traces. Triggers that will still leave me reeling or broken.
You see, that day, I had received word about a betrayal of the deepest kind, conveyed in a manner that was meant to tease and put me down. In that split second I saw the words that crushed my soul, my mind scrambled with a thousand thoughts. What should I do? How should I respond?
How does one react to something that is both uncertain and painful? What do you do when everything you’ve been hoping for or dreaming about crumbles to your feet in a pile of dust? What do you do when challenge after challenge blocks your path? Do you meet it head-on? Do you step back and watch to see what happens next? Do you go through life, pretending not to be affected? Do you pick up the pieces and stick them together, the best way you can? Do you tell everyone you know about the injustice that had been done to you?
The thing about the Place of In-Betweens is that we don’t go there by choice, but we often find ourselves there. Inexplicably. For uncertain periods of time. Sometimes, we find ourselves there. Suddenly. Without a warning. Sometimes, we see ourselves headed there but we are powerless to do anything, powerless to stop it. One thing all Places of In-Betweens have in common is the ability to render us helpless. Desperate. Afraid.
The Place of In-Betweens leaves us feeling inadequate and all alone. In an instant, all our insecurities come crashing down on us. Lies, words that hurt, careless whispers that take us apart. Trust that has formed the bonds of our friendships and relationships. Dreams that we’ve built through the years. Hopes that have taken root in our hearts. All these that we’ve held on to, all these that we treasured, lying twisted, broken, crumbling at our feet.
How do you leave the Place of In-Betweens? If you’ve been there, you know that it’s easier to tumble into the Place of In-Betweens, but it’s harder to get out.
For some, it is putting one foot in front of another until you’ve left that valley, until you’ve reached that mountaintop. Yes, you will falter along the way. Yes, you will feel like giving up. Yes, it will hurt like hell and sometimes you won’t want to go on.
But, yes, you will get up again. You will dust off your dirtied palms and bruised knees. You will dry your tears and you will move forward from that valley of shadow and death, that Place of In-Betweens.
For some, they stay in the valley longer, holding on to the hurt, holding on to the pain, refusing to let go of broken dreams, broken hopes, broken relationships.
If this is you, let me tell you this; you’re not meant to be in the Place of In-Betweens forever. Feel what you need to feel. Cry it out. Let your tears flow until you’ve poured it all out. And then let it go. That’s my story, you see. I used to be stuck so long in the Place of In-Betweens. The moment I thought I would be successful in leaving it forever, something would push me right back in. And sometimes, they were never about the same things, but different issues, piles of broken nothings, built up through the years.
Is it tiring to stay in the Place of In-Betweens?
Yes, but take heart. You’ll get out soon.
Is it lonely to stay in the Place of In-Betweens.
Yes, but you are never alone. One of my favourite Psalms is the 23rd one, and one of the verses says, “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.”
While Place of In-Betweens might not be the Valley of Shadow and Death, at least you know that you’re not alone and you have nothing to be afraid of. Whether it’s disappointments, feeling like a failure, a scene in your life you can’t move on from. You know that you have Someone who is with you. And you know that other people have come and gone before you. You know that it’s possible to get out, it’s possible to heal, to laugh, to be happy again. It’s possible to dream big dreams and let your hope arise once again.
If you’re stuck there right now, take a rest, cry for a little while, and then get up and keep going, one foot at a time, healing moment by moment, till you’ve left that Place of In-Betweens far behind.